The Talk
by kawasai
Summary: Nathan House has a question. This can be read as taking place in an AU 'Father and Son' universe, or as a stand-alone.


Nathan House didn't see much point in biology. He knew it all already, he reckened. He'd been studying Gray's Anatomy since before he could read, and words like _autoimmune_, _haemoglobin_ and _differential diagnosis_ had featured among the words he'd innocently asked his primary school teacher how to spell.

So he could afford to lean back in his seat and let his hair fall into his eyes just a little, to catch the gaze of the pretty girl sitting across from her and roll his eyes as if to say, _same old stuff again?_ She smiled back at him, shyly.

"Nathan, would you care to tell the class about in-vitro fertilization?"

"Not really, sir," Nathan said, earning a laugh from his classmates. "But if you're that interested, I could probably get you some leaflets."

Mr Kahn gave Nathan a tired look. "Very funny. I'm interested, however, to know if you've been paying attention."

"What do you want to know, sir? Egg-extraction processes, fertility treatments, foetus selection…"

"Just an overview will do, please."

Nathan sighed a long-suffering sigh.

"In-vi-tro fertilisation is where an egg is taken from the Mummy, an egg that has a little bit of her in it, and some little tadpoles called sperm are taken from Daddy – via a process called mas-tur-ba-tion, which we'll be studying _next _term, class – and the egg and the tadpoles meet up in a little glass house called a pet-ree dish, and they make the starts of babies." He switched tack. "The best two or three eggs are re-implanted into the mother using a catheter, which is inserted into her – "

"Thank you, Nathan," Mr Kahn cut in. "Very enlightening."

"Why thank you, sir," Nathan answered, and grinned. Then he saw the worksheets Mr Kahn was giving out – _cut out the paragraphs and stick them into your book in the correct order_ – and sighed again, then reached for his Rubik's cube. After all, one always had to have _something_ with which to keep busy. That was when a thought struck him.

***

Nathan was lying stretched out across the couch when House got home, watching TV and apparently revising for a history exam.

"Have a good day at work?"

"Patient with a pulmonary embolism, strokes, halluctinations and a rash on the back and legs."

"Bizarre. Worked it out yet?"

"Nope. All tests so far are negative, but the team's on it. Have a good day at school?"

"Science was shit. German was okay, though. A student teacher was teaching us 'useful street vocabulary.'"

House laughed and limped over to the fridge. He grabbed a beer and popped it open, returning to the sofa and waiting pointedly until Nathan moved his legs.

"Dad," Nathan said hesitantly, "there's something I wanted to ask you."

"No, I won't let you borrow the motorbike. It's mine."

"Seriously, Dad."

"Just how well do you know me, Nat? I'm always serious."

House turned to the television. "General Hospital's starting in three minutes, so you'd better be quick."

"It's…how was I made?"

House turned to look at him.

"I mean – I know about eggs and sperms and DNA and crossing over – "

"Oh, dear," House said. "I knew there was something we missed."

Nathan waited.

"You see, when a mummy and a daddy get very drunk – "

"Not that!" Nathan yelped. "I mean…me. Not in detail or anything, but – "

"But?"

"Was I, I don't know, a test-tube baby or something?"

House looked at him for a long moment. Then he laughed. "Let me repeat: when a mummy and a daddy get very drunk, and the mummy wants a baby and the daddy wants the mu – "

"Okay," Nathan said. "You can stop now. Before you scar me for life. But. One more thing."

"Yes?"

Nathan bit his lip, then asked suddenly, "Did you love her?"

House paused. "Does it matter?"

"I…don't know. I love Mum, you know that, it shouldn't change anything. But it's not something I could ask her. I just want to know."

House looked at him. "There's never going to be a time when Cuddy and I live together and we all play happy families. Happy families can be crap anyway, look how many abused kids and wives we get in the clinic."

"I just want to know if you loved her!"

"I still do," House said. His gaze met Nathan's. "Always." Then he considered. "If you really want, I can give you details."

"No! Anything but that!"

House laughed, then fished in one pocket and pulled out his vicodin. He dry-swallowed one, then turned back to the television. "Any more questions on pro-creation, or my and your mother's sex life?"

"No fear! I don't want to know. And I've heard about the whole thong-theft thing from Wilson."

"Too much detail?"

"Definitely."

"Oh, well. We can just watch Hot Nurse flirting with Failed Surgeon. I'm sure that will give you the skewed outlook on sex that every kid your age should have."

Nathan laughed, and turned back to his history book, half-watching as Hot Nurse's advances became more and more ludicrous.

"As I said," House said cheerfully, watching the nurse and the surgeon kissing passionately in an operating room, "when a mummy and a daddy get very drunk…"


End file.
